Gwyneth Paltrow skewered by fellow authors

2:20 PM, Aug 13, 2013   |    comments
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LONDON -- Gwyneth Paltrow was the de facto star of East Hampton Library's Authors Night on Saturday, but her A-list appearance wasn't universally welcome.

At least a couple of folks with "author" actually at the top of their resumes were rankled by the presence of Paltrow's disciples, and her entourage.

Christina Oxenberg took to her blog Sunday to (delightfully) describe the scene:

"Due to the inflexibility of the alphabet I had the questionable good fortune to be seated directly beside Gwyneth Paltrow," Oxenberg writes.

"Slowly yet unmistakably a line began to form in front of my section of table. These folks were hushed and reverential and had a particularly earnest and focused demeanor and casting furtive eyes around, clearly single minded and clearly without any interest in yours truly. Unless you count the increasingly urgent question they posed, 'Where is Gwyneth?' "

She continues: "Then the divinity in question arrived with hubby, children and a couple of massive bodyguards. The worshippers blocked my view of the whole world."

And then Oxenberg, who is, incidentally, descended from real, vs. Hollywood, royalty, hatched a devilish plan. "I abandoned my post and took that opportunity to roam the great tent and greet my fellow authors. Which is when I saw the food table, and suddenly I knew what needed doing. I made a plate of miniature sloppy hamburgers, stinky steak sandwiches and the like and hauled it back to my piece of table.

"Gwyneth's bodyguards blocked my re-entry despite my assurance I was a just an author and pointing at my name tag, 'No!' they growled, body blocking me. So I was forced to crawl under the table. And there I sat with my meat products, wafting the excellent smells toward my sleek vegan neighbor. She ignored the siren smells of protein. We never did say hello, although I did try to sell my book to her sleek vegan children. No bites."

Oxenberg's Hamptons host, Jay McInerney, captured the incident in a tweet: "Author's night at East Hampton Library highjacked by movie stars with ghost-written cookbooks."

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