KAREmudgeon: Stadium plan. Finally!

10:41 AM, Jan 16, 2012   |    comments
Cowabunga! A Stadium plan at last!
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This is my sure-fire solution to the Vikings stadium dilemma. Put it in Hudson.

WHAT you say? Build the Purple's new home outside of Minnesota? Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Who would do that, you ask? Try those over-hyped masquerade experts, the Giants and the Jets.

Wait, you say! They're in New York City!

NO, THEY'RE NOT! I scream back. They're not even in New York STATE!

That's right. Two of the NFL's premier franchises play in New Jersey. Actually, they should be called the Jersey Giants and the Jersey Jets. It's not like they couldn't have stadiums in the Empire State. They just decided the oddly-named "Garden" state was a better choice.

So, why not Hudson?

Like New Jersey or New York, it's on the wrong side of a river. That's the St. Croix (in our case) versus the Hudson (in their case).

Think for a minute, tax-haters. No need for taxes or gambling in our morally-pristine state. If the new stadium were in Wisconsin, we could badger (get it? "Badger") them to ante-up the state funding from Madison.

Why would they do that? Because then they could get the game day revenue that's so vital to NFL owners and there's lots of room in the Land of 10,000 vacant acres for tailgate parking! See? Lots of room for those 10 crucial days a year. And we all know they have lots of beer.

Of course, we have to give up the income tax from the over-paid players and the business taxes from the team and the property taxes (are there any?) from the stadium.

Oh. Did I mention that it could be a privately-built stadium by one of those rich Wisconsin guys, like the Kochs. They could come up with a few hundred million or so to get the shovel in the ground, pronto. Attention, Governor Walker! Heck!

They can even bring back Hank Williams, Jr, if they like, to sing before every game. He can make any remark about President Obama that he wants, if we get all that Dairy State moolah.

Actually, I like the irony of the boys in Madison footing the bill. I suppose it would have to be tax-money, though, from the cheese-heads.

Think about it, Vikings fans! Packers taxpayers would be helping to fund a Vikings stadium! What could be better? Maybe they can't get to the Superbowl, but the Vikes could siphon off their money.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm really a Buffalo Bills fan, first and foremost. In case you didn't know it, the NFL is one banana peel away from moving the Bills out of New York State and putting them in another country! Canada! (Geography-challenged, take note: that's across a river, too. The Niagara.)

If the Bills can go to Toronto to play, why can't the Vikings go to Wisconsin? It's like another country, isn't it?

Governor Dayton? Rethink that deadline for proposals.

(Copyright 2012 by KARE. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. )

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